It's Official! 'No' means 'NO!' - alcohol or not!!!
Hallelujah.
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And now to the main event....
Can we just agree on some things here. Short does not equal 'Child'. 'Disabled' does not equal 'Child'. Disabled, short adult does not equal 'Child-like therefor automatically asexual'.
Last week I had an amusing encounter with a very tall security guard in a local supermarket. I wanted a music magazine that was on the top shelf, therefore out of my Liliputian grasp.
Luckily, Out of the corner of my eye I clocked the aforementioned security guard who was about 6'6" and the perfect canditate to help me accomplish my mission, so I grabbed this lovely guy and asked him if he could get 'something off the top shelf for me, please'.
And there it was - that quick flash of 'Oh my, what's she going to ask me to pick up for her?' but he did his best not to be visibly shocked that I might be in the mood for some slightly spicy reading material. I do however think that 'Metal Hammer' came as a relief to him (actually that would be a great title for a...haha no, there goes my bad mind again).
Now, when I'm bored I have to confess to occasionally being naughty and picking the obviously new, young male trainee at one particular chain of news agents and asking him to get something a little risqué off the top shelf for me. This is harmless fun, but there's also a more serious question I still ask myself. WHY can't I reach? Why is it assumed that I don't want access to that kind of publication? I have yet to find ONE advert, be it in a magazine or on TV that plays with the notion that it's ok for disabled people to look sexy, feel sexy, and get some!
Recently I read an interesting blog about Access and Availability (yes I did for a split second think this might be a list of wheelchair friendly strip clubs and brothels - see, ever the practical one, me! haha) in which she discusses cues we give to each other about sex, flirtation and boundaries.
Having read her blog, I have realised there's one very necessary part of my ensemble that screams 'KEEP OUT!'.
My wheelchair.
This is why I am looking forward to my new one. Right now I'm thinking about how I'm going to make it sexy. There's a company called 'Colours' who make bespoke wheelchairs and they actually mould curves into ladies' wheelchairs! How cool is that? This company actually genders it's mobility equipment!!!
Unfortunately this consideration comes a a price too hight for my piggy bank but the idea is in their heads, and that's a start (of course this is America - you may have faults with your country and the current administration but having the attitude that a disabled woman has every right to feel as feminine as an able-bodied one is what makes you great people). Because of what I need from my wheelchair in terms of support and comfort it's not going to be a 'racing job', more of a practical solid chair, but that's no reason why it shouldn't reflect who I am, right?
Have you ever seen 'adaptive clothing' for disabled people? Real passion killing threads, right there! My wardrobe consists of far more functional items than feminine ones because I find it very hard to find clothing that don't look completely wrong on me due to scoliosis which gives my spine a curve and makes one shoulder and one leg noticabley shorter than the other. The trousers can be cleverly re-arranged to make my legs look the same length but the tops are more problematic as my shape makes the neck line on most tops go completely wrong and really spoils the whole 'look'. Most ladies love to shop for clothes, but I just come home feeling depressed and made to feel unwelcome by the mainstream fashion industry.
There are a few new lines of clothing for disabled people popping up, but they are either A) hugely expensive or B) completely unattractive....oh yeah and let's not forget 'C' - all those 'cool and funky' t-shirts with witty slogans letting you know I'm a totally hip little disabled person who's sooo comfortable with herself. When it comes to disability clothing it seems the Chastity Belt is a sewn-in fixture, not an option.
Why does it never enter these people's heads that disabled people don't just wear clothes to keep warm and stop you getting arrested for public nudity!?
And shoes, oh don't talk to me about shoes! All they need is to come in slightly wider fittings for those of us with one foot fatter than the other and with a tongue that rolls back just that bit further to aeasy access for a spastic leg, and we'd be set! Why is that so hard for manufacturers to understand this?
Have you seen any nice, feminine clothes for disabled women? Are they made in some secret bunker by Umpah-Loompahs that nobody told me about? Please let me know!
2 comments:
So many things I could say! First, would you like to post this on sexability? And would you like access so you can automatically post anything you write to about sexuality and disability? If so, let me know.
You know, there are some paths of feminist thought that have a very negative perspective on femininity. The theory is femininity is a social construct, and basically, if there were no men around, no female in her right mind would bother with shaving legs, wearing makeup, dresses and so forth. I take a different view, that gender (vs bio sex) femininity, masculinity, androgyny, have a biological component, that we are "born feminine," and so forth, regardless of the bio sex we're born, or at least with a leaning towards one of the three, and then society comes along and defines, very strictly what femininity is, and adds it's cultural aspects, stereotypes, gender codes, behaviors, etc. basically squishing femininity into this tiny little box, and accepting it as patriarchally defined: weak, passive, pale pink and so forth.
So many feminists assume that all females have access to the everyday accruements that allow someone to visibly represent as "feminine." I'm sure many of them would be SHOCKED to realize that all of these accruements, sexy undies, pretty clothing, form hugging and so forth, makeup and fashion magazines are totally unattainable for a variety of women with disabilities and that many a Woman With Disabilities would dearly love, LOVE the chance, the opportunity to wear much of this clothing, and therefor, the choice, later on, to choose whether it fits her idea of femininity or not.
It's similiar to how I've heard women with disabilities say, "What I wouldn't GIVE to be sexually objectified." LOL Mainstream Feminism is so mind boggling ablist in it's analyses of, well, EVERYTHING, it's not funny.
I think you've struck on an incrediable, INCREDIABLE idea! A fashion magazine/blog/webiste, "whatever" that is focused on fashion for women with disabilities. It's so desperately needed. There are few clothes as you've rightly pointed out that are designed to incorporate wheelchairs or bodies that have different twists, bends and curves from the "normal" able bodied body. I think...
There's probably some fashion design students out there, who would find it incrediably challenging, or hell, even a teacher of fashion design, who'd consider it a really GOOD project for students, to have to sit and design cool and funky, trendy, sexy clothing for women (and men) with disabilities, as well as the tools they use, chairs and so forth like you've said. It's like...a whole NEW MARKET for people. And as with running shoes, drugs, hell everything originally, it's always the male body that is used as the model at first, and then later on, someone thinks, "maybe we should design a running shoe for the female foot," or "maybe we should design a wheelchair that fits the female form. You know, that's narrower across the shoulders perhaps and wider in the hips and so forth. That takes in issues like cramping and bloating and pregnancy, etc.
I think you should START something. It could be a blog even, and you could set it up so people could contribute, like sexability is set up. I"m sure there are all sorts of crips out there, who have created all sorts of nifty things for themselves, or have sewing, etc. skills and would be able to attempt to create new pieces of clothing that take in the considerations you've suggested as well as able bodied industrial and fashion designers who would be intrigued with the idea. Plus, you know, you could create a link section to places like "Colors," so folks would be able to find easily those cool stores that ARE already, thinking along the same lines as you.
It's funny how people like to think that femininity (masc. and androgyny) isn't an aspect of sexuality. For me, the stronger I"m feeling, the more powerful, generally speaking, the lower the cleavage gets on my tops! LOL The more I wiggle and become playful. I'm not internalizing anything. I've gone years without makeup, never was that great about regularly shaving my legs, and so forth, deconstructed and reconstructed my femininity, and on and on. I wiggle, wink and show my cleavage in the presence of dykes or bi women for example, sometimes at mixed kink events, but I never wiggle for a man, bat my eyes, and generally won't do the cleavage thing if I'm entering into an all male, or even all straight environment. Most mainstream feminists, including lesbian ones, assume that because I wink, wiggle, show my cleavage, do the "tits and ass," kind of thing, in all female environments, or to "play" (as in have fun, tease, flirt, be sexual) with other dykes, that I MUST be doing it when in the company of men. I"m still feminine, but generally not as high intensity around men as I am in all women space. (aside from when I"m in kink space, which, after all, is a place one is supposed to be able to play with ones fantasies and all!) But I'm babbling! LOL
Re: the unreachable pornos. I believe they put them up high so that young children and youth can't reach them. It might even be the law. Certainly there's no reason for fashion mags, etc. to be so high, although, lets face it, some of the pics now adays that they have nowadays were once considered "soft porn," say, in the 1980s when I was a teen.
I think it's a GREAT form of "Disability Activism," and I think we should have a "reach for some porn," day, perhaps around valentines day or something. You know, everyone in wheelchairs, walkers, canes and so forth who can't access the mainstream porn magazines by themselves, go in and ask an able bodied person to help them get some of them. LOL Then write about the experiences! LOL FUN!
Really! I think you should post this on SexAbility. I'm always, always looking for other writers and I consider "sexuality" to be very, very broad. Including sex, fashion, sensuality, gender, body movement like dancing, the five senses, orientation, toys, clothing and so on.
Wouldn't it be great to have have some kink clothing, (are you kinky by the way? LOL I shouldn't assume!) that is designed for wheelchair folks? YOu know, that has straps, clips and so forth that can be tied to the chairs, eroticizing the chair itself, making it into a sexual object or piece of furniture?
Ms. PetWow, that's a compliment and a half! I would love to post it on there, thank you :). If you just want to copy and paste this text then put a link to my blog, that's absolutely fine by me :)
I don't have much...err....'experience' so I'm not sure how much I could bring to the blog but I'll try!
I don't buy all this crap about make-up and pampering being solely about men. I love my long bubble baths and I only wear a little make up unless I'm going out, but I do it for ME, no-one else. Men wore makeup too, it's happened all the way through history so I don't know where they get the idea of beutification being a patriarchal construct from....
It's interesting that you should pick up on the fashion students because the fashion department is right next to mine at Univeristy, so I could see if they wanted to get involved in something.
Me, Kinky?....hahaha....Well I am a Pisces so I'm sure there's at least one in there apart from the kink in my spine! Fact is, I haven't had the opportunity to find out yet (which could turn into a blog subject, who knows?).
I know some people have a kink for prosthetics so I think fashion companies could definately capitalise on that! I'd much rather have a wheelchair that makes me look like a cross between Boudica and a dominatrix that's for sure! Heheh
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